Loving Him Well:
Practical Advice on Influencing
Your Husband – A Revised and
Updated Edition of Sacred Influence
By Gary Thomas
At the beginning of my marriage, (20 years this year!) an amazing husband/wife counseling team at our chuch recommended Gary Thomas’ work and his bestselling book, Sacred Marriage, which asks the question, “what if marriage wasn’t meant to make us happy, but make us holy?” That book changed our relationship, and put us on a better path towards meeting each other’s needs. Learning from Gary helped define WHY we serve each other, and showed us how to build a stronger marriage.
As great as I think Sacred Marriage is for couples, it’s written as message to husbands (men, go get that book). When Gary wrote the companion book, Sacred Influence, directed toward wives, I was so thankful to learn how to apply his lessons more directly to my life. Gary has since updated the book with fresh stories, and renamed it Loving Him Well, which speaks more to the heart of what wives long to do.
Many people cringe at the words “serve,” or “submit,” or “influence.” I did too. I’m an alpha female, “submit whaattt?” Our social feeds are pushing women-power, so to think about submitting to anyone could seem counter-cultural. If you are a couple focused on faith, however, you’ve likely heard the scripture, “wives submit to your husbands,” and maybe regarded that command as outdated, but remember scripture also evens it out, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (Ephesians 5:21) What I really enjoyed about Gary’s point of view, is he breaks down those tough words in ways that allow us to see serving as a gift, and also as a directive from God we shouldn’t ignore. He reveals how “submit” means something very different than being a slave or a doormat.
Loving Him Well gives wives insight into why our husbands do what they do and how to frame our needs and requests to be better received. Gary shares how to create a marriage filled with grace, thankfulness, and how fulfilment can come when living with a focus on the Lord. He tells many stories, illustrating how to put his lessons into action. He is relatable and explains how men process different things and why your husband might be missing your subtle hints and clues. He gets very realistic and specific about situations.
If you are ready to dive deep into what it takes to build a strong marriage, pick up Loving Him Well or anything else by Gary Thomas. He’s an ambassador for building grace-centered marriages and I have found all of his work extremely valuable.
Loving Him Well is available at your favorite book seller and on Audible. Find out more at garythomas.com.
